Risky Business

I am different. I am moving through a new chapter of my life and it has brought change upon me. And because of my response to change, my transformation, I have lost much. I grieve my losses but am also excited about the new things that change has brought.

Here are the things I’ve lost (or have been dealing with) and had to grieve a great deal. And beside them, the things I’ve gained and praise God for.

Friendships---------------Drawing nearer to God
Loneliness----------------Solitude
Home/’stuff’--------------Freedom

I am taking a big risk, but trust that God is in control.

Love One Another

I’ve been thinking a great deal about a trend that I have heard a lot lately: seems that people are simplifying their lives so much these days that they are kicking ‘difficult’ friends to the curb. To quote a blog I recently read: ‘this past year has been a bumpy year as it pertains to relationships. I have learned to let go of people who bring me down and have been able to finally embrace and invest in true authentic relationships…with people who really know me…and love me…’. That’s great, but then what about those people who you deem inauthentic? What happens to them, who steps in to love them?

What if the bible said for us to love people who were easy to love; only those who we receive equal amounts of love and affirmation from in return? I think a lot of people would be left out. I think we’d never learn and grow from our relationships, and I think we wouldn’t make an effort to show people that they matter, that they are important.

At first, when I’ve heard people speak of this idea of making their lives easier by eliminating difficult people from their life, I thought ‘yea, I get that, makes sense…’ But I just can’t shake the way it niggles at me. And I can’t help but think how ‘difficult’ we, as humans have been for God. And it didn’t take long…just the Garden of Eden. Who do we think we are? We have a loving father, God who expects nothing of us in return. And we think we can pick and choose which of his creation to love. Doesn’t He call us to simply ‘love one another’?

Our lives have sped up and become full and busy, but I’m sure there’s something else we can pick to eliminate to make more time for the people in this world…

Learning to Trust

God, we know you’ve tugged on our hearts for years. That your door has always been open but we’ve hesitated in stepping through. We’ve reserved parts of our heart for ourselves not giving you full reign. And now, we are on a crazy journey and we are trying to let you lead. Sometimes it can feel discouraging and scary to abandon everything. I know this is only our human response…we can only comprehend what we know and what we can see. You are teaching us trust. We are learning to trust you little by little, and each time that we do, I feel peace.

Ants in my pants

I've been feeling antsy lately, the excitement building, creative juices flowing kind of antsy.

I love to create, but I am certainly not an artist…or am I?

Ambition got the best of me yesterday as I sat in my office at work considering the possibilities. The result you ask?

Bread. Two loafs.

Lemon sorbet

Stuffed chicken

And for tonight…

strawberry jam and doggie biscuits. My hound will be oh so happy and she is oh so deserving!

Proverbs 3:5-6

I get discouraged a lot lately because I have no time to feed or replenish my soul. I see my husband taking the time to relax and soul search daily...be it long soaks in the tub, photography, naps, hours of reading, a walk outside, time to journal, just sitting. Last night resentment built up in me. I am ashamed to say that I lost my temper and it was not pretty. I explained (in my yelling voice) how it’s hard to wake up each morning and get ready for work...to spend a full day in my office working hard at something I am not passionate about. To know that I am still stuck in the ‘past’ while he gets to pursue our ‘future’.

You see, I am ready to move, to make a new home in a new country. I know there will be stresses and culture shock and language barriers. I am ready to step into it. I want to embrace the culture, the language, the people. I’m ready.

But God calls me out. He reminds me that I’m not ready, and that if I just trusted Him...I would see that.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
In all your ways acknowledge him,
and he will make straight your paths.